Funny police officer jokes
Short, Funny, entertaining!
All the toilet seats at the police station were stolen. The thief is still at large. The police are having a time figuring it out, and they have nothing to go on.
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A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
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A van-load of wigs were stolen yesterday. Police are combing the area for clues.
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How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a king.
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The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
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A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
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A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
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A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car behind me."
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Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
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A jury commissioner received a reply in response to a jury summons. It said: I would be most happy to serve, but first you will have to make arrangements for my release from jail.
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied, "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
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A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take....30 days or $30."
The man replied, "I think I'll take the money."
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This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked."
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
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Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
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A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike. The officer says, "Pull over", and the driver pulls over to the side of the road.
He says, "I'm sorry, officer, was I speeding?".
The police officer says, "No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back."
The man replies, "Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf."
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"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
